did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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