drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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