I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize