Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
