Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
