dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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