you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
