I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
