mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
