the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
