Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
