Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
