There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
