woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
