it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
