I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this boner is exhausting
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
