He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
