When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
