I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
