forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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