he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
