It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
