Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
