Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
