So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
