Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
