someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
