I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
And then he peed in my hair
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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