Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
