So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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