I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
