I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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