I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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