I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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