WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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