She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
