Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
