well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
