So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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