babies were throwing up all over the place
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
