Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So many bounce houses so little time
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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