It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
