she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
