there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
