i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
