At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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