My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
