I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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