Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
