Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
