if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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