You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
