if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
