I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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