you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a beard to bite.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
