Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
