tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
