Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
